considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
