Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
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