i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
