half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
