he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
