oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
