I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
