matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
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