Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
