Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
