Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
