oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Randomize
