he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
