Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
