Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
