Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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