Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
