Are we in a gay sports bar?
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
