so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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