Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize
