your parents love me but you hate me
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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