dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
