I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
