Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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