I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
