Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
