Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
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