dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
