Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
COCAINE IS GR8
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
