remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
