she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
