Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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