I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
