I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
where are you?
Hypothermia
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
