We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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