mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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