I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
