i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
