i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
