I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
