i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
