he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
