and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
