For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
