Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
My dick has a subreddit
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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