Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
