i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
