I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
tell me about the fingering
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