So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
