you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
