those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
